Spending review: my top five cost cutting measures…


We are all feeling the pinch of the credit crunch in one way or another and we all need to curb our spending in certain areas. None of us are recession-proof and below are possible  methods for saving money:

Smokers Stop smoking those expensive pre-rolled cigarettes and roll your own. This has the advantages of being a little retro-chic and makes you much more interesting to other smokers, as they are confused as to why you would want to do something so old-school.

Also the cost saving for a 20 a day smoker is around £1350.00 per annum.

Drinkers We all know how expensive the average pint is getting (and it is definitely too depressing to mention the actual cost), yet we all like to socialise with our friends and colleagues etc. There are 2 ways to go with this;  drink at home, which is not so much fun and doesn’t include Sky Sports in my case (I am a rugby girl), or, now this is quite radical… go with a smaller group where you have to buy less expensive rounds when it is your turn, also insisting that everyone has the cheapest larger on tap.

(My other sneaky one is make sure your partner is going and forget to take your handbag/wallet.)

Exercise junkies – As you may guess I am not one of this breed, but I do work on the 17th floor of my building. So rather than paying exorbitant gym fees I could just trot up and down the stairs when I am going on my cigarette break (not likely). There are also a number of other ways of keeping fit that won’t cost you much, such as:

  • Extra housework duties and gardening tasks (for example, brushing all of the floors with a dustpan and brush)
  • Actually using the Wii Fit balance board that you bought
  • Going upstairs and forgetting what you went for so having to go through the routine again
  • Walking past the local shop/offy (yes it can be done) and heading to one further away
  • Help your friends move house (as long as it doesn’t end in traction), and many more…..

Clubbers – We have all danced the night away in clubs to varying degrees of success, but the admission fees and expensive drinks are not for us who are trying to save a few pennies. Rather than go out to an expensive nightclub run your own.  There are a few easy to follow steps to creating your own nightclub:

  1. Get two of your larger male mates to wear black puffer jackets and their blue-tooth headsets and stand sulking outside your front door.
  2. Empty all of your furniture out of the living room and leave some smelly clothes and stuff around, plus get a few cans of larger and purposefully splash the contents around for that authentic club smell (now smoking has been banned everywhere is that little bit more whiffy).
  3. Borrow your mate’s enormous iPod speaker dock and place in one corner where the reverb will be optimised.
  4. Turn off all the lights and bribe your tallest mate, must be over 6 foot, to stand in the middle of the room. Give them a length of string with a torch tied onto the end and for that authentic club lighting task them to swing it in circle for the entire evening.
  5. Last, but not least, you need booze and you need clubees. Stick a note up on the local bus stop saying clubbers night, your address and BYOB. You will have a house full of hormone ravaged teenagers within minutes and this will lead to you having a realistic clubbing night at a fraction of the cost (although your house may be ruined in the process).

Employees – Now there are a couple of ways that us workers can save some money. Some of them are more pleasant than others so beware:

  • Either be made redundant or quit: of you are a Londoner this will probably save you around £180 a month in travel costs. Also you will not have to buy your lunch every day from an expensive sandwich bar, you won’t need to visit a coffee house for a triple espresso and there won’t be any more after work drinks with colleagues in posh wine/cocktail bars.
  • A less frightening option includes; make your own lunches and take them to work with you, ignore invitations for after work drinks and either walk or cycle to work. You can buy a bicycle for a lot less than a monthly all-zones travel card.
  • Go for all out work domination and make your colleagues look incompetent so that they get the sack/redundancy and you get more responsibility. Better yet go for your boss’s job, bigger pay packet equals better spending power! Although if you get this wrong it will be hazardous to your career, and probably marriage too.

More insightful advice coming soon.

Paige

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Comments
5 Responses to “Spending review: my top five cost cutting measures…”
  1. This is hillarious…. I love your suggestion of quiting work/getting fired to save money!

  2. rhetoric2reality says:

    funny indeed! I like your sense of humour 🙂

  3. Teri says:

    I do the ‘forget my handbag’ thing ALL the time. (Of course, I did get fired two months ago so it’s not so much forgetting as it is ‘I have no money anyway, so what’s the point?’) 🙂

    Great post.

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  1. […] We are all feeling the pinch of the credit crunch in one way or another and we all need to curb our spending in certain areas. None of us are recession-proof and below are possible  methods for saving money: Smokers – Stop smoking those expensive pre-rolled cigarettes and roll your own. This has the advantages of being a little retro-chic and makes you much more interesting to other smokers, as they are confused as to why you would want to do som … Read More […]



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